Friday, December 31, 2010


What I need today is to cook something weird--
Something nice but eclectic to eat.
True, peculiar food might not taste like James Beard,
But creation is lovely and 1337.

I've not yet tried using the oven or grill
To make versatility [that] I savor,
But the trick's in the mix, and my magic chef's skills
Mix my favorite things for awesome flavor.

We can all agree, now, that no matter the food--
Yes, no matter the perfect invention--
No matter if it's downright purple-hued,
We should try it without apprehension.

For it's dashing clear lines, I can only conclude,
That makes smiles a foregone conclusion.
So I'll root for discov'ring new mashups of food...
I want you to try cooking some fusion!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Cakes are a Lie

Oh, a metaphor is a device
That is used to divert and entice
So it won't come to light
That this poem that you write
Has to do with, well, nothing but rice.

It's the fib that you tell for your guests' sake
So they never experience the heartbreak
Of discovering hors d'oeuvre
They've declared "so superb"
To be nothing but leftover rice cakes.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Portable Dessert

A sandwich is quite easily defined.
A slice of bread or two, you'll always find.
Beyond that, though, it's anything you want--
A holder for your favorite things combined.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Portable Pasta

In just under a quarter of an hour*,
Take something made of water and some flour
And use your magic chef's skills to create
A filling meal -- just boil, stir, devour.
*I fear, my friend, that this might come across
As blasphemous, or maybe as a loss--
But when I was a kid, I never ate
A single pasta dish that needed sauce.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Portable Foodie Cred

Atop the list of Most Pretentious Grains
Sits quinoa, unpronounceable, which feigns
A fancy smile, but actually belongs
In normal weekday salads, sides, and mains.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Portable Diwali

No matter if you're Hindu, Jain, or Sikh,
The food you bring to work should shine this week.
Diwali mubaarak, your lunch should say,
In piquant shades of hing and fenugreek.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Friday, October 29, 2010

Taking Both Sides

My craving for breakfast food's often confused and eclectiC
Until I am grasped by the impulse for baking with guilE.
For I have been known to just waver in every which manneR,
Found scratching my head in the baked-goods-and-cereal aislE.
I've found a solution to settle this awkward dilemmA--
Now, cereal muffins -- the product of error and triaL!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Friday, October 15, 2010

Rain Bake

 In Southern California, rain is rare.
So rare, in fact, that if it ever pours,
Los Angelans will panic and declare
That it's not safe to drive or go outdoors.

But, trapped inside, I find a new delight--
The kitchen counters gloominess outside.
The oven warms; rich spices do invite
Attempts at recipes I've not yet tried.

Fresh baking smells might lead you to deduce
I'm prepping for some kind of holiday.
The truth?  A cake is simply my excuse
To make your stormy day a bit less gray.

By bringing friends together, food's endowed,
With silver lining, every dark rain cloud.

Monday, September 27, 2010


I can only conclude
That no matter the food,
It's a little bit rude
To serve something poo-hued.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Goodbye to Breakfast

Goodbye to Breakfast,
To lovely warm bread crust,
To coffee enjoyed to the dregs;

Adiós a muchas cosas,
Aux terrines et mimosas,
And, of all nationalities, eggs.

Oh, eggs! Poached and boiled,
Coddled, baked, fried, and oiled,
Universal, sustaining, and quick;

Slow enough, though, to savor,
I recall with a quaver.
With slight sorrow, my lips do I lick...

My brief moment of mourning
For the meal of the morning
Now displaced by a need to sleep in.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

On Cooking for a Commune

Well, measuring quantity's never a cinch--
Just what is a dash or a smidge or a pinch?
Trade ounces for gallons, swap teaspoon for cup,
And generally bulk that ol' portion size up.
...Also, doing the dishes sucks.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Kangaroo Two Ways

Kangaroo, the other red meat,
Always grilled on blazing heat,
Never tender 'nough to eat...
Gotta try it raw -- it's neat!
And in soup, a harder feat.
Really let it stew, don't cheat;
Oh, then your heart will skip a beat--
On hearty 'roo you'll dine.  Dude, 1337.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Just Salad

Are there clear lines between salads of fruits and vegetables?
Tables cleared and lined so often with both, soaked in dressing....
Sing, muse, of the rare no-dressing-added dish;
Dish, muse, on the flavors simplicity imparts--

"Parts fresh and natural form a whole
Wholesome without need for further tampering!
Ring out the newfangled, ring in the wholesome...
Some foods are best enjoyed the way they are."

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Eggplant, or If My Dad Were Dave Chappelle

If my dad were Dave Chappelle,
Eggplant would serve as his Grape Drink.
The humor would be hard to sell,
But he could make it in a blink.
"White people, they have Healthy Food,"
He'd joke, "and some of that is valid.
But I like veggies purple-hued--
And what the **** is salad?"
With purple vegetable in tow,
He'd be on Comedy Central late
And soon, his audience would know
Just how to cook that Chinese plate.
For just one line'd explain it all,
The dish his daughter loves a ton.
"That's the ingredients," he'd call,
"Sugar, soy sauce, purple."  Done.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Tim Tam Slam

Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am--
Thus is the way with the Tim Tam Slam.
It started with a cookie sweeter than jam,
Biscuits loving chocolate like Jim and Pam.
Along came a beverage warm as Siam,
Fresh and wholesome as a lamb
And smooth as River Tam...
And into my cup my Tim Tam swam.

What they say about Tim Tams is no scam;
That they double as straws is far from a sham!
Both ends bitten off of my sweet Tim Tam--
Oh, that sweet Tim Tam that was sweeter than jam--
Warm soy milk became a battering ram,
Crashing at the head of a melting chocolate dam...
And then, in an instant, the dam broke.  Damn!

I reveled in the flavors, happy as a clam,
And even now that I'm done, I'm smiling, I am!
How many Tim Tams could I cram
Into one sipping 'fore my drink went on the lam?
Nine cookie-straws in all, a tasty traffic jam.
I say this as a challenge, a fun little exam--
Can you beat me in the number that you jam,
The number that you jam into one sipping, madame?
Because I want you -- this, I say like Uncle Sam--
I want you to try a Tim Tam Slam.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


Just like your name, you start out quick
Pick yourself up out of backs of minds
Explode a little
Then linger--

Some say you taste like soap to them
What a shame, to taste soap where you are.
To me, you taste like earth
Zest and herb and essence all in one
One sprig.

Saturday, August 7, 2010


Mostly prepared from recipes
Mass-produced for restaurants,
My peculiar food's refreshing--
Minted personally, fixed regardfully,
Miscellaneous parts forming results,
Mad planning finally realized....

Mmmm, perfect -- for real.
Manly pineapple fried rice
Makes proper farewells right.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Perfect Tournament Food, Part 2

So cookies are my chosen food
For munching on the sidelines,
But sometimes, I am in the mood
For different eating guidelines.
'Cause after several tournaments
Of cookies all the time,
I start to feel reborn, immense,
Like Buddha in his prime.
But still, I need my energy,
My protein and my fat.
So how do I go sugar-free,
Unprocessed -- raw, at that?
I take a look at frisbee past
When marks didn't exist,
Before we learned to run so fast
Or throw flicks from the wrist.
"The Hippie Era," some would say,
When tossing on the lawn
Was still the only way to play,
"Bring weed" a thought foregone.
Oh, how I'm glad the game evolved,
Became an actual sport!
But still, my food problem unsolved,
To hippies I resort.
I make some vegan power bars
From healthy, raw granola;
The nuts and berries are the stars,
The oats an old friend (hola!).
"Vegan?" Relax, they're still legit--
With chocolate flavor, too!
They're just to change it up a bit.
(Cookies, I still love you.)

Monday, July 26, 2010

StarCraft Cake

Right at midnight tonight, there'll be panic
As GameStops 'round the world become manic
With a retail debut--
Holy crap, StarCraft 2!--
Its appeal reaches 'cross the Atlantic.

In Korea, the frenzy will peak;
Eager gamers will cheer, shout, and shriek,
Copies (cradled with love)
In the avid hands of
Each and every respectable geek.

When they get home, they really should try
Adding sweets to their psi or supply
Baked goods raise APMs
And start internet memes*
Although, baby, this cake's not a lie.

It fills Terran with verve and elation,
Readies Protoss for carrier creation.
Chocolate makes it OP
(Other cakes say, "GG!"),
Rushing hydras to Zerg domination.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

The Perfect Tournament Food

Sugars, carbs, and proteins
Are what I need today,
So don't give me no green beans--
I don't need those to play.
'Cause vitamins are good for me
But right now, I need power;
I think that we can all agree
It's junk I must devour.
Pancakes that are full of grains!
Be gen'rous with the butter
For fat will help me through the pains
It takes to be a cutter.
I'll eat McMuffins, though, alas,
McDonald's makes me sick.
Ben Wiggins says they'll make me fast
And I want to be quick!
The best thing I can nibble, though
(A tip for all you rookies)
Is made with love and fat and dough--
That's right, I must eat cookies.
Cookies filled with crushed-up nuts
Are best, without a doubt.
The protein helps me make good cuts;
The fat helps me lay out!
The carbs will hit me right away
With energy to bound
And I'll be poached the livelong day--
Baked goods don't mess around.
So in your search for frisbee food,
Let cookies end your puzzlin'.
(You know, Beau Kittredge sky'ed that dude
Because he ate a dozen!)

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Ode to Honey Bunches of Oats

On television, hard-hatted factory workers proclaim,
"The magic's in the mix!"
And truly, every day, I have not one bowl,
But at least six.
That simple alchemy of flavor,
Texture, nine essential vitamins and minerals
Wraps a honey smile 'round my flakes.
As well, their versatility I savor,
Using them in pancakes, snacks, and dinner rolls--
One spoonful isn't all it takes.
A panel on that bright, familiar cardboard box
Says Vern's big idea's to thank
For the bunches, flakes, the meaning of expensive tastes
That do not break the bank.
Now Vern's perfect invention
Enthralls, delights in ten different varieties,
Each one the real McCoy,
Each one a reliever of tension--
Pouring manna of oats over anxieties, I lie at ease,
Sit back, and taste the joy.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Winter Summer Rolls

W00t!  I -- for the weird fusion of seasons--
How I wish'd to offer one suit of reasons.

But I'll be honest; 'tis as you can surely comprehend it--
Any end reason but curiosity's, eh, complete bullshit.

Okay?  For Vietnamese din' plus squash is so enormously tasty!
Yo, it makes flavors possess you in loud manners quite hasty.

Ah!  Yummy.  Ooh gosh...I'm righting fragmentations, and--
Oh my.  Rhyming anagrams is, IMHO, getting out of hand.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Chocolate Guinness Cake

On the birthday of Irishman Stephen,
I should bake him a hoax to believe in.
He might think that it's true
That his favorite brew
Comes in cakes 'stead of cans -- how deceivin'!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Grilling Salmon

Get nice fillets of salmon from the store
(Remembering Alaska-caught is best).
In Tupperware (or bags, if you're hardcore),
Let marinate (that means to let them rest).

Light up the grill!  Put on your fine fillets!
I caution you -- don't let them overcook
Nor get engulfed in flames, outright ablaze
(Grills have a lid under which you should look).

Sear salmon for five minutes on each side
And revel in the smells that start to waft--
Like soy sauce and brown sugar on a tide
Marooned on shores of fish so moist and soft.

O, once you've tried a bite of your success,
No fried McFish exists with which you'll mess.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Mise en Place

Mise en place (pronounced [miz ɑ̃ plas], literally "putting in place") is a French phrase defined by the Culinary Institute of America as "everything in place," as in set up.

Hey, look, I started a food blog!  Those of you familiar with my fondness for eating will not be surprised by this.  Those of you unfamiliar with my fondness for eating will be pleased to know that I am passionate about food, that I always have been, and that one year ago, I discovered I could also be passionate about looking at pictures of food on the internet.  Ah, for a lover of food to meet food blogs.  I spent hours drooling over photographs of ambrosial dishes, poring over recipes, and reading stories about the circumstances of their creation.