Wham, bam, thank you, ma'am--As soon as I got to Australia, my new friend and fellow foodie Diane urged me from the States to try a Tim Tam Slam. Staying with relatives who only speak Chinese, who refer to the local Chinatown simply as "town," I'd found myself having Chinese cultural experiences left and right, and was jonesing for an Australian one. So the first opportunity I got to go into "town" with my great aunt, I picked up some Classic Dark Tim Tams, brewed up some fresh homemade soy milk, and had a little Chinese-Aussie fusion based entirely upon the Wikipedia article about Tim Tam Slams. My first two Tim Tam Slams went swimmingly. And then on the third, I did something gross but good and finished the entire package of Tim Tams by the time my cup was empty.
Thus is the way with the Tim Tam Slam.
It started with a cookie sweeter than jam,
Biscuits loving chocolate like Jim and Pam.
Along came a beverage warm as Siam,
Fresh and wholesome as a lamb
And smooth as River Tam...
And into my cup my Tim Tam swam.
What they say about Tim Tams is no scam;
That they double as straws is far from a sham!
Both ends bitten off of my sweet Tim Tam--
Oh, that sweet Tim Tam that was sweeter than jam--
Warm soy milk became a battering ram,
Crashing at the head of a melting chocolate dam...
And then, in an instant, the dam broke. Damn!
I reveled in the flavors, happy as a clam,
And even now that I'm done, I'm smiling, I am!
How many Tim Tams could I cram
Into one sipping 'fore my drink went on the lam?
Nine cookie-straws in all, a tasty traffic jam.
I say this as a challenge, a fun little exam--
Can you beat me in the number that you jam,
The number that you jam into one sipping, madame?
Because I want you -- this, I say like Uncle Sam--
I want you to try a Tim Tam Slam.
Classic Dark Tim Tams are like if an Oreo and a sugary dark chocolate bar had a baby, but were somehow completely cool with you eating that baby. Fresh homemade soy milk is unlike any store-bought soy milk you've ever tasted. The former can now be purchased in the States, and the latter is ridiculously easy to make...if you have a soy milk maker. If not, I feel like the sky's the limit when it comes to delicious Tim Tam-hot beverage pairings (Choco Cappuccino + chai latte! Chewy Caramel + butter beer! Mint Crisp + anything!), but this one was definitely a keeper.
Aussie-Asian Tim Tam Slam
- 1-2 (or 11) Classic Dark Tim Tams
- 1 cup soy beans
Soak the soy beans in a bowl of water overnight. Then, twenty minutes before drinking time, place them in a soy milk maker with water, and cook according to your particular machine's instructions (i.e., press a button and wait).
When done cooking, pour the liquid through a sieve to remove soy bean skins.
Bite off both ends of a Tim Tam. Place in a cup of hot soy milk, suck, and enjoy until Tim Tam has disintegrated. Repeat with as many Tim Tams as necessary.