Monday, December 26, 2011

Surprise!

Why, thanks for this beautiful cake;
Your thoughtfulness makes my heart ache!
Double-layered?  How grand!
I'll just slice it here, and--
YOU PUT A SMIRNOFF ICE IN THIS CAKE, YOU LITTLE JERK?

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Last Meal

If everything is going down
Shuddering down to fiery end
If everything is over now
I'd like
For my last meal
A nice seafood dinner.

Nothing fancy
Well, nothing too fancy
Just some crab or lobster
Or (if that's not quite affordable)
Some langostinos
To commemorate my presence on this earth.

But in case that's not possible either
(If, for example,
The seas have already risen above our heads
Or receded
Down below our awareness)

Well, I'd mostly just like
For us to share a meal.
Something from the sea would be nice
But anything will do

Just please
At the end
Hold my hand

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Día Festivo



Un tazón se ofrece rellenos
Solamente en tiempos amenos
Que yo siempre les hallo--
¡Feliz Cinco de Mayo!
¿Tradiciones? Problemas ajenos.

O, a bowl offers stuffing's nutritions
Just in special-occasion conditions
Which I often purvey--
Happy fifth day of May!
Someone else can take care of traditions.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Salad Ballad

O, here's a ballad on a salad from my memory.
Though on the face, 'twas not the case my meal was odd at all,
The fact endures -- my take and yours'll hereupon agree--
That leafy lunch was such a bunch of strangeness, great and small.

So hearken, guys, just close your eyes and conjure up a bowl,
A lovely bowl that's mostly full of vegetables galore--
Fresh carrots chopped and aptly dropped atop clean, crunchy slaw;
Tomatoes, too, of every hue, and easy to adore.

But as we sneak a second peek, we'll get a sudden sense
Unusual acts have come to pass throughout our salad's youth
That actuate a current state of novel countenance...
A countenance that makes no sense -- and that's the honest truth.

For every trace of green's effaced -- yes, every leaf erased--
No kelly pea, however wee; no moss, chartreuse, or jade;
No forest herb or cucumber; no sage or celery…
Yet all that's left post-em'rald theft seems colorfully arrayed.

Red cabbage tossed and gladly lost up dreamy streams of sauce;
Tomatoes, small and sweet and all but dyed ruby and gold;
And carrots, made a lovely shade by beta-carotene--
Resplendent, though my story's no Best Legend Ever Told.

For stranger themes have happened around poetry and food;
The salad turn was subtler, naught markedly afoul.
What type of salad has no green?  What person notes such facts?
The same one who can't overlook the absence of a vowel.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Brunch


Beware the foible in free will,
The roiling choice that troubles you--
Foible choice up just to fancy...
In that just necessity, keep true.
Free troubles to keep cheeks stuffed!
Will you fancy true, stuffed hullaballoo?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

3. Pie


14159 I take a slice excitedly
265358 My hungry hands are fixed, unitedly
979 Unvarying, exactly encircled--
32384 One in the handsome bowl
6264 Around my mellow soul.
338327 It's not integral, but it ascends
950 Ingestion-bound, transcends
2884 My constant, plodding bite--
197 A midsummer delight;
169 A winner overnight!
399 And dexterous, rapacious,
375 The fingers reach--
10 O, irrational--
5 Again.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Wrap Rap


after "Drug Ballad" by Eminem

Back when doin' schoolwork meant problem sets,
This is how I used to eat (no regrets).
I used to pair baked with some steamed goods; "Let's
Just stick to fair trade at luncheonettes."
And snacks were rare -- plates would fill with balanced meals
(And if you care, weighed, my pounds were 'round ideal).
It'd take an air raid to pound my even keel....
I conceive good food until I start conceivin' reels.
Then, Tupperware's greasy;
It ain't easy to cease increasin' the piece of my patiss--
Are we to police
All our control 'til we roll, film shoots nutrition parole?
I can now tell production's taken its toll.
The whole trio's my feast -- Cheetos, Fritos, Doritos;
It's a feat to be so replete with trans fats and sweets.
Crawl out the trap as I snap the lens cap,
Stop eating crap, and conclude, "That's a wrap."

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Potluck


What's that, you're hosting dinner?  Yay!
I'll bring fruit salad.  Is that cool?
Oh, no?  Someone called dibs on that?
That's fine, I'll bring a mixed cheese tray.
Aw man, that's taken too?  Okay.
I can't have dairy anyway.
Well, how 'bout drinks?  Dessert?  Come on!
How many friends did you invite?
And why was I the last to know?
This feels a little like a slight.
Hey now, come on, I only kid.
This'll be fun -- can't wait to go!
So maybe I'll bring cups and plates?
They're always good to have, although
Environmentally, foam's bad,
And paper just disintegrates...
Scratch that, I'll just bring chips and guac.
That's safe, and something no one hates.
Wait, what'd you say?  I can't bring chips?
I guess you've got those.  What a shock.
You don't?  Well what, then?  What's the deal?
Uh huh, um, but -- no, you can talk.
I see...you don't know who I am.
I saw your invite, though, for real!
I'd just assumed -- well, Facebook said--
All righty then, enjoy your meal.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Poaching

So in frisbee, it's when the defender
Floats on into the lane -- a game-ender
Only when it's done right;
Otherwise, it's just tight
For the offense's open contender.

But this poem's off the mark just a mite;
Poaching food's about what I should write.
That simmering splendor
Cooks proteins so tender...
They don't float, but it's love at first bite!